I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize