Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
