I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
