He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
