Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
COCAINE IS GR8
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
