Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
