so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
