Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
