where does the pee come out of this thing
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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