if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
