he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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