it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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