Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
