I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
