I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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