oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
