How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
