At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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