i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
