Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
