I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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