So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
