Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
