It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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