you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
