the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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