don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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