my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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