Will you blow on my dice?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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