ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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