I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The ass gains better be worth it
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