He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
