had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
