i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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