life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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