People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
