John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
