What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
