so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
