Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I need moral support for this bender
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize