i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
