dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
