nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
