her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
