You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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