sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
