I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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