I could have mohawked her pubes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
