i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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