I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
