You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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