What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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