What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
