imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
