I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
