Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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