All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
