WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
