You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
