i just had sex bonerless
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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