So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
