hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
