i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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