So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
