He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
