True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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