checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize