yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
