did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
