i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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