i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
