they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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