She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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