nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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